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The Secret World of the Early Bird (With a Twist)
As an greasy adolescent, I loved pop tarts and staying up late, savoring the hours between the famfam’s bedtime and first period, a time in which the house became my own and I could watch Conan O’Brien...
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Today I Wear Underpants
Warning: much exaggerated complaining followed by lighthearted ending. Use this information well. It’s the last week of school and I am a disheveled shadow of a human. My aspirations of being fluent in...
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Please Let Me Watch You Eat
The Olympics is a nationalistic meathead’s dream. Every four years, thousands of top athletes from all over the globe gather and bodily compete with one another, determining the greatest countries...
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The Pros and Cons of these Trader Joe’s Cats Cookies I Bought Last Week
Pro: They’re delicious. I’m more than satisfied with the cookies’ taste, which has a good amount of cinnamon and is sweet but not too sweet. The crunchiness is quite appealing, yet I never feel I have...
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What I’ve learned from speed-walking to work in San Francisco
Some people drive to work. Others bike or hop on the train, bus, light-rail, or ferry. Still others run, walk, scoot, or rollerblade. There are, perhaps, a few that cartwheel, skip, grapevine, ride a...
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The Flossing Jar
I read an interesting quote in my paperback vampire novel two weeks ago. The vampire Pandora spoke to her victim before sucking the blood from his body, telling him, “You should do something every day...
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Don’t Judge Me, But This Blog Post Is Literally About Feelings.
God I can’t believe I’m actually writing about this but I’ll just come out and say it. I have feelings. Some of them have names like happy, sad, or hungry. But some don’t. So I wanted to name, share...
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30 Ways to Measure My Life, and Maybe Yours Too
You might be familiar with the poem, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot. If not, you should read it here or listen to me read it here (yes, this happened.) It’s a beautiful poem, and one...
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Hello Styrofoam. I Think You’re Trying to Kill Me but I’ll Still Drink Coffee...
Before I start, let me be clear that I know nothing about styrofoam and its affect on my health. Everything I know about styrofoam comes from whatever liberal pseudo-science they put in the water in...
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How an Overachieving Work Monger Learned the Benefit of a Good Nap
I’m staying at a friend’s co-op which is unsurprisingly full of long haired hippie types with slow eyed dreams. Despite the fact I’m also pursuing an “alternative” career as opposed to something in...
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